I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
