i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm like, not good at living.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
