So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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