"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
They have beer where we have blood.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
