She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
