Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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