It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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