Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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