I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
