i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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