He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
you never un-have a 4some
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
