my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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