you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
