i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
