I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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