U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
