I don't usually arrange sex via text message
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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