brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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