bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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