Small penises have feelings too.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
