the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
