Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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