You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
