if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
