i need an iv and a liver transplant
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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