Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
