I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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