i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
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Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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