people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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