Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
