Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I know her cup size but not her name....
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