I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize