??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
