I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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