her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
