You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
