is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Plan B is the new Plan A
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
