would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
50% drunk capacity currently
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
