hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
