She said her name was "party"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
