I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize