i was born a porn star she said
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
