so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.