I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"