if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.