that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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