He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.