Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.