He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
