My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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