I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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