I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
