his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
