I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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