He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
