I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
her vagine was all disorganized.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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