In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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