So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
