I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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