The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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