We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
