Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
