i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
