I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just forgot I was standing up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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