Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
