I wanna passion pit in your ass
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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