you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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