Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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