i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
