so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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