I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
