my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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