I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
